Coming home from the hospital

I have really enjoyed posting tons of photos on facebook, but I feel like I am over loading it with all my photos. Not that my friends don't like seeing tons and tons of baby pictures! I just think that they will be better served on my blog. Plus, I need to blog more. It's a much better "scrapbook" then a social network. So here I am again saying that I am going to blog more and apologizing for my lack of dedication in the past. I am going to do better. (I hope)

Tonight: The story of coming home from the hospital.

My stay at Banner Gateway in Gilbert AZ was wonderful. The staff was so nice and helpful. They always made sure that I had everything I needed and even though my babies were in the NICU the whole time, they made it so easy for Cory and I to go and visit and be with them.

We were discharged on Father's Day and received the best news that morning; they were going to let us take Pepper home with us. Yay, I was so happy. I had spent almost the whole day, the day before, crying. I had been told that they were both going to have to stay. So, this news was music to my ears. Pepper was coming home with us! They also let us stay to whole day so as to spend as much time as we could with Izzy before we had to leave.

Bitter sweet.

I got to take my Pepper home, but I had to look into my sweet little Izzy's eyes and tell her that momma had to leave her there. As I write this now, almost two months later, I am wiping tears from my face remembering how much that hurt. I have never had to do something that hard in my life. How can a Mother turn her back on her child and walk away? I know that was not what I was doing, but it felt like it.

The next four days were hell, because I did it over and over to her, again and again. Cory and I took turns going in and feeding her while the other stayed home with Pepper. Every time I drove to the hospital the car would not go fast enough and once I got there it felt like the hallways got longer and longer as I half walked, half ran to get to my little girl, to prove to her that mom was not lying when she said she would be back soon. Not only did I feel bad for leaving Izzy everyday, four times a day, but I also had a newborn at home too. I felt guilty for leaving her too. Where was I supposed to be? I was so happy to be with Izzy but sad to be away from Pepper and so happy to be home with Pepper but hated that I was not with Izzy. Like I said: Hell! Every time I asked when Izzy could come home they said "maybe in the next day or two". I was told "maybe in the next day or two" so many times it made me sick.

I got to know the other moms and dads that had babies in the NICU pretty well, in fact it was the father of one of the other babies that told me I was gong to be able to take my Izzy home. I walked in and as I pasted their bed he said "I hear you get to take your baby home today".

I called Cory! He loaded up Pepper and came to the hospital as fast as he could. (within reason of course! He had a baby in the back seat of his car!)

I have only seen Cory cry maybe two times in our time together, but when he got there and we took those stupid cords off her and she was finally ours to take home, he cried. We didn't have to leave her there anymore! We didn't have to say goodbye! Our family was finally together again. It was truly an "oh happy day" moment.

Pepper & Izzy

Home

We put them in bed together as soon as we got home. Izzy found the only inch of skin that was showing on her sister and touched it.

Twins are a special thing. They share a bond. I know how hard it was for me to not be with my baby, but it brakes my heart to think how hard it might have been on them to not be with their sister; their twin.

My girls are finally home, together.